COGNIZANCE (2023) ​
© Brenda R. Carsey

JUST TRYING TO DO MY THING

I refuse to sell out completely
Make some stupid music just so you can dance to it, baby
I’ve got truth to share and chords to play with
I’ve got time on my side

I’m just trying to do my thing
I’m just trying to do my thing
Let the spirit move me how it wants to
I’m just trying to do my thing with you

I refuse to be fake and shady
Smile at your face then flip you off as you walk away, baby
I’ve got truth to share and friendship to give
I’ve got patience and kindness

I’m just trying to do my thing
I’m just trying to do my thing
Let the spirit move me how it wants to
I’m just trying to do my thing with you

I’m just trying to, I’m just trying to do
My thing with you
Said I’m just trying to do my own damn thing'
​With you


HOME

I was born in the winter
But where I’m from
That means the sun was shining
And my mom was wed to a drinker
She struggled hard as he kept on fighting
Then she went out on her own
And together we crossed the county line
​Her head held high with me in her arms
Set out to find ourselves a new life

Oh, you’ll never know
Which way the winds will blow
Can’t guess how the currents
Will bring you home
But they’ll bring you home

Then she met another man
And this man sure did treat her right
Stood tall, yah he stood strong
And held us both as his shining lights
Treated me just like a father should
Played with me and taught me about life
Firm as a rock, soft as a feather
A humble man to act as my guide

Oh, you’ll never know
Which way the winds will blow
Can’t guess how the currents
Will bring you home
But they’ll bring you home

I was born in the city
Where all the lights shine oh so bright
Everyday is such a journey
Flowing through with just a bit of fight
Give me a wall in a maze
And I’ll climb it and find my own way
Give me some truth and I’ll preach it
Cause I always got something to say
And right now I’m saying

Oh, you’ll never know
Which way the winds will blow
Can’t guess how the currents
Will bring you home
Oh but they will bring you home
Yah they will bring you home


BANG BANG

Sister girl, where have you gone?
I’ve been walking these streets for so long
Following echoes off the walls
Your voice, I swear it calls
Never could I’ve imagined
That you would be gone forever
And never could I have fathomed
One click would be it
Now I’m pissed and I’m screaming out

Bang bang
Too many people dying
From other people who are taking their lives
Bang bang
Too many friends are leaving
Me in the dust as they take to the sky
Oh, it shouldn’t be like this my baby
They had so much life to live, this shit’s crazy
Ooo, too many families broken
Trying to hold on to the memories, to the memories, to the memories, to the memories

Brother man, where have you gone?
What the hell is going on?
You always did what you should
You were always doing good
And always had a smile
Beaming from your face
But now I sit in denial
How could one click be it
Now I’m screaming out

Bang bang
Too many people dying
From other people who are taking their lives
Bang bang
Too many friends are leaving
Me in the dust as they take to the sky
Oh, it shouldn’t be like this my baby
They had so much life to live, this shit’s crazy
Ooo, too many families broken
Trying to hold on to the memories, to the memories, to the memories, to the memories

I never thought I’d lose you to a hand that’s not your own
Seems like everywhere I go, your face appears
And I thought I had you for at least a few more years
But I guess that’s out of my hands now
Trying to get you out of my head now

Bang bang
Too many people dying
From other people who are taking their lives
Bang bang
Too many friends are leaving
Me in the dust as they take to the sky
Oh, it shouldn’t be like this my baby
They had so much life to live, this shit’s crazy
Ooo, too many families broken
Trying to hold on to the memories, to the memories, to the memories, to the memories…


THIS DAMN PLACE

Too much responsibility
Always seems to follow me
Try to get my feet wet
But the world won’t seem to let me do that yet

When you gonna come my way?
Take me away from this damn place
And these bills to pay
When you gonna come my way?
Take me away from the struggle
And responsibility

Try to let my hair down
But half the time I find it’s bound, bound
Try to loosen up my belt
But those just weren’t the cards that I was dealt, no

When you gonna come my way?
Take me away from this damn place
And these bills to pay
When you gonna come my way?
Take me away from the struggle
And responsibility

Sometimes I feel I could cry
My pockets are running dry
Each day we’re losing time
Can’t seem to make things right

When you gonna come my way?
Take me away from this damn place
And these bills to pay
When you gonna come my way?
Take me away from the struggle
And responsibility


UNFORTUNATE MEN

You’ve never felt like a piece of dead flesh that’s been
Poked and prodded
You’ve never been followed and chased like
You’re being haunted
And you’ve never been slapped and grabbed while
Just walking quietly
Just for breathing in the streets

Oh, you dear unfortunate men
We don’t think that you’ll ever understand
The true grace and beauty
Wisdom, humility,
Strength and magic
Of being a woman

You don’t know what it’s like to feel with
Every piece of your spirit
You don’t know what it’s like to be entered and
Have to take it
And you don’t know what it’s like to be called
A diva when you’re just certain
A bitch when you’re just assertive
Oh, you dear unfortunate men
We don’t think that you’ll ever understand
The true grace and beauty
Wisdom, humility,
Strength and magic
Of being a woman

You don’t know what it’s like to be able to
Connect with the moon
You don’t know what it’s like to feel
The pulling of the tides
And you don’t know what it’s like to be
The chosen fruit divine
The guardian of life
The guardian of life

Oh, you dear unfortunate men
We don’t think that you’ll ever understand
The true grace and beauty
Wisdom, humility,
Strength and magic
Of being a woman
Being a woman
Being a woman


REBEL WALLS

Break down these rebel walls
Break down these rebel walls
Let the water set me free
Never have to think about the world outside of me

Tear down these broken halls
Tear down these broken halls
Let the currents carry me
Never let the creatures come inside this hallow head before I’m gone

You are not me and you won’t gain control
Even if you strip the ocean free of everything we know
See heaven had sent…
You know you should be on your way back home….
But you’re never going home

Break down these rebel walls
Tear down these broken halls
Let the currents set me free
Never let the creatures crawl inside this hallow head before I’m gone

You are not me and you won’t gain control
Even if you strip the ocean free of everything we know
See heaven had sent…
You know you should be on your way back home…
But you’re never going home


I'M SORRY

Did I fuck up again?
How’d I fuck up again?
I’m sorry for the pain I caused
I’m sorry for the pain I caused you

I’m sorry for the tears
I’m sorry for the tears I caused
You’re such a lovely thing
You mean the world to me

Oh Lord, please help me to change
I’m a lost soul
And I don’t want to get stuck upon this train
Oh Lord, please help me to be
My best self
Release all this stubbornness inside of me

I’m sorry for the words
I’m sorry for the words I said
I’m working hard to change
I’m trying to rearrange my mind

I’m sorry for the doubt
I’m sorry for the doubt I had
You always do your best
Better than all the rest
Oh Lord, please help me to change
I’m a lost soul
And I don’t want to get stuck upon this train
Oh Lord, please help me to be
My best self
Release all this stubbornness inside of me

Oh Lord, I swear
I’ll do right by you one day
Please have patience while I try
I feel the currents
Of change inside of me
Please hold on as the sun starts to rise

Oh Lord, please help me to change
I’m a lost soul
And I don’t want to get stuck upon this train
Oh Lord, please help me to be
My best self
Release all this stubbornness inside of me
Release all this stubbornness inside of me

GOAT AND BULL

Goat and bull run head to head
Pushing their way upstream
Both are willing to compromise
To realize their dreams

You and I must bend
Before we snap
Before we mend
You and I must give
Before we get
Before we forget

Flowing energy guides their way
Through challenge and joy unknown
All answers unfold inside as they
Observe one another’s growth

You and I must bend
Before we snap
Before we mend
You and I must give
Before we get
Before we forget


BUT YOU'RE ALIVE

Cold has come
Skin feels numb
Tingling fingers
Damp skin
Falling from
Exhaustion
But you’re alive

Closer than a winter storm
Thoughts
Closer than a winter storm
They come to swallow

Familiar snooze
Familiar room
Stuck inside it
Like a tomb
Sleeping in
No sun on skin
But you’re alive

Closer than a winter storm
Thoughts
Closer than a winter storm
They come to swallow

Feeling dumb
It’s pretty fun
Pacify
And become
Body mass
A soul detached
But you’re alive

Closer than a winter storm
Thoughts
Closer than a winter storm
They come to swallow

Hold tight
And stay on the ride
Rise up
Don’t shrink and hide
Haven’t you been told
You are seen?
Haven’t you been told
Life is just a dream?

Closer than a winter storm


MAN OF MINE

When I think of your love
I get so high
Oh no, I can’t get you off of my mind
When I think of your love
I get so high
Oh no, I can’t get you off of my mind

Your love’s a treat
Tender sweet
Come on over baby
Get close to me
My hair sways
His lips quake
Can’t wait to get a little taste
Hold me tight
Feels so strong
Wrapped in the comfort of his arms
Imagine me like sea
Dripping wet with ecstasy

When I think of your love
I get so high
Oh no, I can’t get you off of my mind
When I think of your love
I get so high
Oh no, I can’t get you off of my mind

Your love’s sweet
Makes me weak
In all the best ways
And I’m happy to bow down
To a heart of gold
Willing solider
Of depthful stare and mind
How lucky I was to search and find
This man of mine

When I think of your love
I get so high
Oh no, I can’t get you off of my mind
When I think of your love
I get so high
Oh no, I can’t get you off of my mind

Said when I think of your love
You know that I can’t get you off of my mind
Said when I think of your love, baby
Oh yah
You know that I can’t get you off of my mind


HAVE YOU EVER HID LOVE AWAY

Have you ever hid love away
Before you let it show up on your face?
Have you ever hid love away
Before you got caught in its sweet embrace?

Now I know it's hard
To be seen
But open your heart
So you can be
Finally free

Have you ever hid love away
Afraid to trust anything?
Have you ever hid love away
Before you could know its healing grace?

Now I know it's hard
To be seen
But open your heart
So you can be
Finally free

Love can be a painful thing
Open up and have your heart ripped out and torn
Feeling lost and alone
But love's a special thing
And the beauty that it brings
Lifts your spirit up
Don't hide from it, give it up

Have you ever hid love away
Afraid to trust anything?
Have you ever hid love away
Before you could know its healing grace?

Now I know it's hard
To be seen
But open your heart
So you can be
Finally free


PARTY'S OVER

My heart’s a patient one, you know it’s true
I never told you how to act or what to do
I loved you
I embraced you through the night
Then you pulled out your scissors
And snipped away
And you went astray
Now let me ask you

Where will you be when the party’s over?
When the lights get switched back on
Where will you be when the party’s over?
When the girlies are all gone
When you’ve rolled your last spliff babe
And your coolness fades away, yah
Where will you be when the party’s over?
You’ll be dreaming about me

You’re such a kind man and funny too
Always looking fine, I loved exploring
But no matter how hard I pleased you
Or how much I gave
You had to go find
A new flavor
Every damn day
Now let me ask you

Where will you be when the party’s over?
When the lights get switched back on
Where will you be when the party’s over?
When the girlies are all gone
When everyone’s moved on
And you’re at the same bar listening to the same damn song
Where will you be when the party’s over?
You’ll be dreaming about me

I gave you all I had to give
And you loved me in your own way
But you just couldn’t commit
Please don’t compare me to your past girls, oh no
Cause I’m a special soul
And I’m here to watch you grow
But now it’s time to ask you

Where will you be when the party’s over?
When the lights get switched back on
Where will you be when the party’s over?
When the girlies are all gone
When wrinkles sink into your face
And gray hairs grow in and take their place
Where will you be when the party’s over?
Oh you sure won’t be with me!


LIFE CAN BE A BITCH

Life can be a bitch
Had yourself your fill of it
Can’t seem to connect
Or stay present

Life can be a drag
Fuck up everything you have
But then again it wasn’t
Ever yours to begin with

Would it be agreed if I guide you to see that your heart is gold?

I really want you to know that you
Are one in a million
No one can compare to
Your grace and pure spirit

I really hope you can connect to
The wisdom inside
That is guiding you towards your
Path and true life purpose

Life can be a bitch
But we might as well live it